So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
