i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
