So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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