Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Randomize
