he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
