The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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