Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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