worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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