Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
