he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize