the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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