I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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