I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
