We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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