I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
