3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
