i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
