i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize