I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I believe in your delicious
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
