I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
