It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
