We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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