She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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