So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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