the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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