i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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