Having a random hookup so left but love u
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
