i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
