She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
