the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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