You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
