Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
