I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
