When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish life had little blips of pornography
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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