you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
