I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
