I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
