i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
