just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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