so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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