dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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