Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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