shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
