I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
3 2 1 whiskey
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
