i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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