This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
