He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
