The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
