It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
