So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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