I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
