That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
