i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
