I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
