You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
