From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize