I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
