Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
