I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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