Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
