Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she told me i tasted like america
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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