Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
