i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
