I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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