This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
